Learning to Discern What’s Really Important Leads to Harmony in Relationships

Daily writing prompt

What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

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I had to learn to let go of needing to have every decision regarding my home with my husband go my way. Conflict regarding which way the toilet paper rolled, how the sheets on the bed should be placed, and letting down the toilet seat after use caused disharmony. My husband had moved into my home when we married, and I wanted everything to remain how I was accustomed to and comfortable.

One day, during a walk, I reflected on the disharmony. Did it really matter whether the toilet paper was over or under? Could I still sleep in the bed if the top sheet was on what I considered backward? Couldn’t I just drop the toilet seat when I entered the bathroom? Did I want to end a relatively good marriage with a man who loved me, was non-violent, supported me going back to college for my doctorate, and cooked and cleaned the house so that I could concentrate on schoolwork?

I am a survivor of domestic violence, having spent seven days in a hospital, including surgery, after a beating. I came within seconds of dying after an even more brutal beating. After those relationships, I determined I would never compromise because giving in means weakness and maybe death.

But that day on the trail, I realized if all I had to be concerned about in my marriage was toilet paper and sheets, then I was one blessed sister. Due to my faith in God, I had experienced real horrors and lived through hellfire and brimstones in the land of the living. I wasn’t willing to lose the miracle of a great husband over irrelevancy.

I had asked God for a husband who shared some of my interests, like traveling and life-long learning, a man who could introduce me to new adventures, someone whom I could use my three- or four-syllable words around, who didn’t think I was showing off or trying to make them look stupid.

God, in His steadfast love, heard my prayer. I was on a Christian dating site and checked the box on Black males only. But I woke one night with the feeling in my spirit to change it. A few weeks later, Douglas wrote and asked to connect with me. On June 25, 2023, we celebrated 19 years of marriage, two days after returning from five weeks in Europe, including Paris, Amsterdam, and Portugal. I am still blessed to be seen as valuable and desirable by a good man.

I put the roll of toilet paper on the way he likes because it matters to him more than it matters to me. We agreed that whoever made the bed could place the top sheet their way. In marriage and relationships, you must discern what is important and irrelevant so that harmony can exist and realize and see God’s goodness in the land of the living.