Love Shouldn’t Be Painful or Expensive

Every parent should teach their daughters and sons about real love, what it looks like, and what it doesn’t look like. It should be in the home where real love is demonstrated, rather than leaving the modeling to the media, especially not Disney movies with princesses and knights in shining armor. Rom-coms are great to watch. I have loved Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in all their romantic movies, and I look forward to the new romance written, directed, and starring an older Meg Ryan.

But we must teach children that love is never painful, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Being hit, pushed, knocked down, called names, being told you are no good and stupid and that nobody else will have you isn’t love; it is violence, and we must be sure that little girls and boys understand that these are unacceptable behaviors. The old belief that a boy pulling a girl’s pigtails was a sign of his crush on her leaves the wrong impression and results in the belief that violence precedes love.

For boys, we need to teach them that you shouldn’t have to spend money on someone to prove your love. Love is freely given. Also, we must teach our boys that a kiss isn’t a contract of ownership. We need to emphasize that you don’t own another human being, no matter how much you love them or think that you love them.

True love, the romantic love God has given to us shouldn’t hurt and leave us feeling worthless and debased. Love shouldn’t nearly kill us. Love is kind, love is patient, love is selfless, not selfish. Being in love is fantastic! But when it becomes an obsession and leads to desperation because we are taught that we need to be with another person to be whole, it can turn deadly.

It is perfectly human to search for love. But until we teach young people that they have value all by themselves and that another person doesn’t make you complete because you are already all that is needed, we will have domestic violence perpetrated by men and women. God made us in His image, so we are sufficient as we are. Too many people have paid the ultimate cost of being in love, meaning their lives, because we failed to teach that love is not meant to hurt our bodies, minds, or souls, and it is not meant to come with a price tag. One human being never owns another. Those are lessons that will keep our daughters and sons safe.