When I had to leave an abusive relationship, I left all of my possessions behind without a second thought. I wanted to live, and I knew that love that came with scars was not the love that the Lord wanted for me. I saw an opportunity to save my life and dignity, and I took it without counting the cost of losing the furniture I had lovingly chosen or the dishes I was proud to present to visitors. I didn’t care about the clothes that I enjoyed wearing. I knew that if I could get away from the violence, I could start over. The possessions couldn’t save me or change the unpredictability of being assaulted for no reason, or free me from daily fears.
I chose life, not things. I chose freedom, not baubles and electronic appliances. I chose loving myself and finding a place where I could feel valued over beautiful things. I knew that as long as I had my health and was willing to work, I could buy new things, but we only have one life. I had prayed for the Lord’s help to have the courage to say no to living under the tyranny of domestic violence.
I suffered a horrendous beating that left me with scars around my throat from being strangled and blood from having my head rammed against a building. He said that he would beat me each day until I learned to respect him, which wasn’t going to happen. When he went to sleep, I took his last twenty dollars, a suitcase I had already packed, called a taxi to take me to the Greyhound station, and bought a ticket for the first bus leaving for the destination I had chosen.
I didn’t think of the possessions I was leaving behind. I knew that I would obtain others in due time. I know some people are afraid of leaving the money and possessions, even while being abused, and I don’t judge them for it. I understand that as women, we are taught that our value is found in being in relationships with men. If no man chooses us, then we don’t have worth. I stopped believing that lie, and no amount of possessions could convince me to remain where I am being hurt. It took courage and faith in God to truly protect me from violent and wicked men (Psalm 140). Possessions are just wood, cloth, and metal. They are no substitute for peace, safety, and joy.
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