Sometimes It’s Best to Keep Quiet, Right?

I kept my lips closed, although I was screaming in my mind to say something to change the thinking of the people in the room. But I am new to this church, and is it really my job to “educate” them to my way of thinking?

It is a dilemma, mainly because there are no perfect churches. You can’t have bring together people with different experiences of the world, and expect that everyone agrees with everything you say or do.

My fear of speaking derives from the fact that Douglas really likes this church, and, in some ways, so do I. Being an interracial couple impacts where we choose to worship. The reality is that still not all people agree with whites marrying people of color, be they black, Asian, Latino, or even mixed race.

For those people, interracial marriage violates 2 Corinthians 6:14, in which Paul admonishes the new Christians not to be unequally yoked. The verse reads, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

Of course, the fact that we are both believers seems irrelevant, what appears to matter is that whites are associated in their minds as light and blacks are associated with darkness. I am very sensitive to not wanting to make people uncomfortable, particularly in their places of worship.

And, truth be told, we are warmly greeted each Sunday and made to feel welcome, one of the reasons we joined. The caring and prayers of the ladies in my Sunday School class when I have had health issues over the last few weeks have been second to none.

Most of our 15 years of marriage have been as members of all-black churches, in which Douglas was one of maybe three or four white members, mainly because of interracial couples. It seems that many interracial couples feel more accepted and less judged in black churches. I don’t have read any research to confirm that, though.

So, as a minority female in a predominantly white church that is a Southern Baptist church, I wrestle with when to speak and what to say, trying not to rile anyone. This is especially true because Douglas is more comfortable in this church than I have seen him in a long time.

I think it is because he is part of the majority. Now, I understand better the dilemma he has experienced since we first got married. The shoe is truly on the other foot.

As a black woman and an ordained minister, a title that has no value in this church where women aren’t allowed to be preachers, I have very strong opinions on the place of women in the church. But, I love my husband, and his comfort is paramount to me.

I will tell you that I disagree with the black pastor who put up a sign in front of his church in Alabama that read: Black folks need to stay out of white churches. I don’t believe that there will be different white and black sections in heaven. I think that if you believe as the majority of people do in your reading of God’s words, then it don’t matter the color of the congregants.

I think that it’s okay for Douglas and me to belong to different churches, as long as we are serving the Lord and being obedient to His words. For now, I will remain silent, because sometimes it the best thing to do, and you don’t always need to tell people what you think, especially if it might create chaos and misunderstandings.

8 thoughts on “Sometimes It’s Best to Keep Quiet, Right?

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  1. That’s what I found as a northern baptist trying to go to church in TX. I couldn’t handle it. I think you can find anything in the Bible to support personal views, including racism, misogyny, revenge, etc. The ministers in southern baptist churches do not appeal to me at all. Of course this is just my opinion with my experience. I’m proud of your stamina enduring these prejudices.

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  2. We are all one in Christ. Not any racial group or male or female. I admire your sticking it out for the sake of your husband. Women have a place in church leadership. Abundant blessings of health and love.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow! There are still churches where women aren’t allowed to preach? In this century? *Sigh* I guess there is indeed a time to speak and a time to be silent. At least now, you have a clue how your husband may have felt in an all black church. Should we even be colour-coding churches? Well, I recently made a resolve that I will speak, sing or whatever ḿy church isn’t giving me the opportunity to do. I will find a place where I can express myself to the glory of God — with or without, within or without my church — I will serve God and humanity with my God given gifts,
    You are expressing your gift in your blog. The point is, you are making use of your gifts. And it doesn’t matter if it is in church or a blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. “Many are called, few are choose.”
    Part of those called with us are are heading the call for reasons that have little to do with becoming like Christ.
    Many have issues they refused to lay at the feet of Jesus because they want to superimpose those issues on others, making it seem like the gospel.
    I cringe at the quality of people attaining church leadership, most are just there to rule others with there scripturally flavoured flawed opinion. And worse part is we know, but we seem forced to go along with what isn’t scripturally pure/correct. We just have to pray for healing, revival and that Jesus should chase out of the church, those trading with God’s word for personal gains, position and power. And we must prepare our minds prayerfully for when the time to speak will come, so we can speak the mind of God. *Sigh*

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “Many are called, few are chosen.”
    Part of those called with us are heeding the call for reasons that have little to do with becoming like Christ.
    Many have issues they refused to lay at the feet of Jesus because they want to superimpose those issues on others, making it seem like the gospel.
    I cringe at the quality of people attaining church leadership, most are just there to rule others with their scripture flavoured but, flawed opinion. And worse part is we know, but we seem forced to go along with what isn’t scripturally pure/correct. We just have to pray for healing, revival and that Jesus should chase out of the church, those trading with God’s word for personal gains, position and power. And we must prepare our minds prayerfully for when the time to speak will come, so we can speak the mind of God. *Sigh*

    Like

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