FODO (Fear of Disappointing Others) is Tiring!

This is hard for me to admit, but I need a break from perfectionism. I never considered myself a perfectionist, even as others used the title for me. My youngest daughter summed up my constant demand for a clean house this way, “You are a fanatic!” But I assumed she didn’t want to do the work and told her to keep on cleaning. My husband tells me all the time that what I do doesn’t need to be perfect and that Bs are good, but I don’t really pay him any attention and continue until I feel satisfied that all is as good as I can make it.

As I sit typing this blog, barely able to stay awake, I realize that the fear of disappointing others (FODO) is really perfectionism in disguise. I don’t want to disappoint the students in the two classes I teach in their expectations of a swift turnaround. So, I get things graded fast and with feedback on every paper and post because I love encouraging my students and letting them know I appreciate their work efforts.

As a professor myself and having a doctorate, I believe that my professors in the two graduate classes I take expect me to perform exceptionally in the courses I take. I read everything assigned twice or thrice because I want my papers to indicate that I understand their expectations and plan to meet them. I don’t wish to disappoint them.

I am preparing a sermon for Black History Month on Sunday, February 18 at night, meaning I go to sleep with my mind swirling with scriptures, and I am up at 4:00 AM writing new thoughts and ideas on a pad I keep by my bed. I know it will upset my husband, so I sneak to the bathroom to cut on a light and write. But I don’t want to disappoint the woman who invited me to speak or my new pastor, who says they expect great things from me at this church.

So, yes, I need a break from FODO badly. I hope that making this admission today is a wake-up call for me. As it is, I have decided to take a day away from grading anything. I have a class today for an hour and fifteen minutes, and I will attend it, but I am too tired to read one more word. So, today, I will just let others take to lead and take a break from showing how smart I am. It’s a start.

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