“Please” Separates the Entitled from the Humble

If I have a pet peeve, it is people who do not say please when asking for a favor or requesting something from me. To say please indicates that the person understands they are not entitled to a favor or the requested item. They recognize that they are not owed something just because they are in the world.

As a professor, when a student wanted an extension of the due date on an assignment, the quickest way to be refused was to make me feel that I owed it to them. One student suggested that because their tuition paid my salary, I couldn’t deny them. “No please, no extension” was my motto then, because students needed to understand that in granting an extension, my workload or the time I spent grading increased. Therefore, to say yes was my acknowledgment that I thought them worthy of the extra time.

As a mother, it was one of the first lessons for my children. I would tell them, “The world doesn’t owe you anything just because you were born.” When you want people to do something for you, recognize their humanity and generosity of time with a “please” and a “thank you.” It lets people know that you comprehend that they don’t have to do anything for you.

As a wife, after twenty years of marriage, I still say please to my husband because I learned never to take the people in your life who mean so much to you for granted. If I ask him to reach and get something for me off a shelf at home or the store, I say “Please.” I can’t reach it, so I am grateful for his effort and time. It may seem like a little thing, but people like to observe good manners.

As a tourist to Europe, if I only learn a few words in a language like French for Paris, two words are please and thank you: sil te plait and merci. In Spain, I remember por favor and gracias. I also learned you’re welcome and hello. When I stop someone for directions, I want them to know I appreciate their time and culture.

So, let’s return to good manners and remember to teach children to say please to teachers, friends, and family members, so they don’t become entitled people who feel that the world and its people owe them just because they are in the world. We all are worthy of having our humanity seen and valued.

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