I went to bed Friday with a fever and woke up with a higher fever. I freaked out, admittedly. I was so scared, not so much of dying from the virus, but of suffering in a hospital for weeks, due to my compromised immune system.
Ever since I survived colon cancer, any time something feels out of kilter, I stress regarding the cancer returning. Then, add my vulnerability to this new threat, including heart disease and diabetes, albeit well-managed diabetes, and you can imagine that I didn’t sleep well over the weekend.
I spent the weekend in sheer terror, but still writing my blog and grading assignments, to calm myself down and not start running up and down the cul-de-sac screaming or rushing to the nearest emergency room. But, then, the sensible side of me shook me real good and got my attention. I turned off the news, sat still, and took stock of the situation.
My face hurt and my nose was running. I had no breathing issues, and just a little dry cough. Then, I asked myself, “Have you felt this way before?” And the answer was yes, when I had an upper respiratory infection.
I went online and made an appointment with the doctor for 7:45am this morning. Around 7:00, the office called, and because of my age and the fact that I had other conditions, the visit was virtual, to protect me.
I set up my cell phone, and through the miracle of technology, had a visit that assured me that I had a sinus infection. I had to take my own blood pressure, as we have the machine here for Douglas, and I took my temperature. She sent a prescription for antibiotics to my pharmacy, and with a twinkle in my eyes, I am a happy woman.
I am thankful that I don’t have the Coronavirus, but I was dismayed at the level of fear that the fever generated in me. I am a woman of faith in God Almighty. I believe that the Lord is with me wherever I go. I also am confident of my eternal home in Heaven.
Yet, I trembled at the thought of ventilators and IV’s and missing my children and husband that having this virus would cause. I have been making Douglas take a bath and wash his hands when he comes home from work each night. He can be hard-headed about a lot of things, but in regards to this phenomenon, even Douglas takes no chances with my health.
That may be why I am so hyper-vigilant, as he keeps saying that I would die, so he has to be extra careful. That refrain resounds in my heart and mind so much that I am afraid of my own shadow, cleaning the door handles and Lysol spraying sinks and tubs and stairs.
But, today, as I sit here writing, I have decided that it is time to let go of the fear and just live my life, because tomorrow is not promised to me, virus or no virus. I can’t allow myself to stop functioning over what might happen. None of us leave this world alive, and as the oldest member of my family, I know that my time isn’t that far away.
So, I’m going to enjoy life. When the sinus infection is better, I will go for long walks, taking precautions, as I have enough education about the disease not go around without a mask. I don’t plan to get my hair cut or go to the gym, until we have better testing. I was advised that if the univrsity returns to in-class courses in the Fall, I shouldn’t work, unless there has been a vaccine found that works.
I am going to only think on real problems, not phantom ones. Those what-might-happen troubles will cause you unnecessary pain and worry.