I Need My Faith to Be Stronger Than My Fear Today

We are preparing to leave for the hospital today, where my husband will have a pacemaker implanted. I kid him that we are a two-Chevy family, and now we will be a two-pacemaker family, as well. I also have a defibrillator, so I am one up on him, which makes him laugh. He has been the healthy one in this marriage of 21 years, always taking care of me, being the one in the waiting room.

But after we returned from Europe in June, he and I were both ill for a period. Then, he started huffing and puffing, just coming up from his lair in the basement. It turns out we both caught mononucleosis from our daughter while in Portugal. She didn’t learn she had it until after we returned. It affected his health worse, causing his heart’s electrical component to go crazy. His resting pulse started going down, and when he went to the doctor for a chronic cough, they found the problem with his heart. From that moment, they put the cough aside and concentrated on his heart.

Today is his day for surgery and for me to sit in the waiting room. It is a hard day for me because yesterday was my late son’s birthday, and on this date, February 19, 53 years ago, my only sibling, a sister, passed unexpectedly and left four children that I adopted. So, I have had to ask my pastor, a widow of three years who still grieves the loss of her beloved husband heavily, how to get past the fear when I know God is with us. But we don’t know when our time on earth may end. I was in Montreal when my son died, and he had just driven us to the airport a few days earlier.

It took me into my 50s to find this wonderful man who takes such good care of me and loves me more than I ever thought any man could or would. He calls me his pearl of great value, and 22 years ago, on a dating site, he saw my picture and believed God was telling him I was his future. I am still in awe that he chose me.

I know widows who still mourn for their husbands and tell me of their loneliness and wish for one more day, hug, or laugh with their late husbands. But I trust God that whatever is His will, I can live with it. Yet, I am prepared to bring him home. I am a minister who preaches hope in the Lord, so I must depend on my faith to be stronger than my fear today. Just because you believe in God doesn’t make you immune to worries. You just have to keep remembering that you are never alone, for the Holy Spirit is with us, and do what needs to be done!

To God be the glory for the great things He does for us!

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