I sit at the dining room table, debating whether to go to church this morning. My husband and I visited a new church last Sunday where several of our former members attend after the closing of ours. I liked the service, especially the preacher’s message. As always, I moved to the music, as it touched my spirit. I noticed I was the only Black woman, although I saw one Black male. I have tried not doing this in church , meaning looking to see if there are other Blacks.
After the service, one or two people remarked on watching me dance or raise my hands, saying that they liked it. I wondered why people are watching. Me instead of paying attention to the music and worshiping the Lord. I don’t want to be a distraction on Sunday mornings, and now I feel embarrassed about my worship style. I was raised to let the Spirit move me. I don’t want to have to wonder if I am disturbing others. Are there people who dislike my moving?
On Tuesday, we joined the Seniors’ group for dinner and Bible study. I talked and offered comments, mainly because most people were silent. Afterwards, another person remarked on my movements during church, but positively.
Now, I am wondering if I will return. My husband likes this church. So, I will end and get ready to go worship with him. If I decide to go to an all-Black church, I will be reminded that there is no separate Black and White sections in Heaven. But I don’t expect to encounter racism and white Christian nationalism in Heaven, either. These are lovely people, and maybe I just need to chill out.
Help from Heaven 
I am sorry this happened to you. I stopped going to church years ago. Sadly. It was just my son and me, and for some reason people would take it upon themselves to make unsolicited comments about why my son clung to me so much. He was around five years old at the time, with hearing loss and got anxious in crowds because of it. Rather than showing me compassion they showed judgement. This is only one example, however. The closest I have felt to God in a church was when I attended early morning Mass at a Catholic Church near my job. I am not Catholic, but the priest invited non-Catholics to come forward for a blessing rather than partaking in the bread and wine. I felt accepted and I felt blessed. I had been going through a very difficult time and I needed that acceptance. Sorry if I have rambled on, Regina, but I can understand that feeling of being singled out. It’s just not right. We are all supposed to be one in the body of Christ.
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