I sit at the dining room table, debating whether to go to church this morning. My husband and I visited a new church last Sunday where several of our former members attend after the closing of ours. I liked the service, especially the preacher’s message. As always, I moved to the music, as it touched my spirit. I noticed I was the only Black woman, although I saw one Black male. I have tried not doing this in church , meaning looking to see if there are other Blacks.
After the service, one or two people remarked on watching me dance or raise my hands, saying that they liked it. I wondered why people are watching. Me instead of paying attention to the music and worshiping the Lord. I don’t want to be a distraction on Sunday mornings, and now I feel embarrassed about my worship style. I was raised to let the Spirit move me. I don’t want to have to wonder if I am disturbing others. Are there people who dislike my moving?
On Tuesday, we joined the Seniors’ group for dinner and Bible study. I talked and offered comments, mainly because most people were silent. Afterwards, another person remarked on my movements during church, but positively.
Now, I am wondering if I will return. My husband likes this church. So, I will end and get ready to go worship with him. If I decide to go to an all-Black church, I will be reminded that there is no separate Black and White sections in Heaven. But I don’t expect to encounter racism and white Christian nationalism in Heaven, either. These are lovely people, and maybe I just need to chill out.
I am sorry this happened to you. I stopped going to church years ago. Sadly. It was just my son and me, and for some reason people would take it upon themselves to make unsolicited comments about why my son clung to me so much. He was around five years old at the time, with hearing loss and got anxious in crowds because of it. Rather than showing me compassion they showed judgement. This is only one example, however. The closest I have felt to God in a church was when I attended early morning Mass at a Catholic Church near my job. I am not Catholic, but the priest invited non-Catholics to come forward for a blessing rather than partaking in the bread and wine. I felt accepted and I felt blessed. I had been going through a very difficult time and I needed that acceptance. Sorry if I have rambled on, Regina, but I can understand that feeling of being singled out. It’s just not right. We are all supposed to be one in the body of Christ.
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I thought you read my mind.
We too have changed church recently because I was having some hearing issue at the church we were going to. This church is more conservative than where we were and have been accustomed to. Like you my body moves when the Spirit moves me. I raise my hands high and get into His presence and I don’t usually look around. But, I did notice the looks. Many are happy with hands in their pockets but I’m not. I smile a lot and approach people I don’t know with my hand extended and begin to introduce myself. Maybe I’m intimidating in some way. I guess I feel that we could be neighbors in heaven so why not get to know each other and help each other along. Isn’t that what Jesus taught?
I am attracted to the Nigerian families that come there to worship. They are so nice and deeply love the Lord. They sing with all their heart and their hands are raised in pure worship and freedom.
Only difference is I’m white. The church is 70% white, 30% black from around the world.
Read 2 Corinthians 5: 15-16. Paul says:
“I regard no one according to the flesh”.
That whole chapter so spoke to me. I love God with everything I have and I love my neighbors. That’s all He requires.
Be blessed.
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Thank you for the comment and the blessings.
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